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What I've Learned Watching Yo Gabba Gabba

Written By Jeff Tilden on Sunday, September 25, 2011 | 11:03 PM

Educational television is always a plus.  I'm not a fan of my daughter spending a lot of time in front of the tube, but when she does, I find some comfort when she's watching something that might teach her a little bit.  Dora the Explorer has taught her some Spanish.  Mickey Mouse has helped sharpen her numbers and letters.  Little Einsteins teaches her about classical music.  Then we have Yo Gabba Gabba, which has taught her........uhhhhhhh.............(I'm thinking)............(still thinking)......Dang, its hard to think with such catchy Gabba songs in my head!

I'm convinced that Yo Gabba Gabba was created by doped up 80s art students.  The first time I watched this show I thought I was watching a Saturday Night Live kids show parody.  Quickly, I discovered this wasn't the case.  What I was viewing was real.  Somebody actually made and filmed this show called Yo Gabba Gabba, and sincerely thought it was a good idea for children.  Well, in some respects, we may consider the creators genuis.  Kids love it!  My daughter is hooked, and sadly, so am I.  I can't look away.  Its like ripping off a band-aid on a monstrous knee scab.  I have to look!  I know its gonna be horrendous, but I'm oddly intrigued.

But as I reflect on my few years of watching Gabba episodes and seeing numerous celebrities inserted awkwardly, teaching kids useless dance moves, I have to admit that I have most certainly learned some things.  Here's what those things are:

1. There's a Party in My Tummy: Yes, its true.  Not only that, carrots and greenbeans want to go to the party in my tummy.  You could have fooled me!  Carrots have never shown that kind of initiative with me.

2. I Should Never Bite My Friends:  Apparently Edward Cullen is a fan of the show.  Without the influence of Gabba, imagine how many senseless acts of biting we'd be sorting through?  Thanks to the show for reminding us to not bite our friends, but to chomp.

3.  Biz Markie Would Make a Creepy Babysitter: Old school rapper, Biz Markie teaches children how to beatbox.  Hats off to him for imparting such an important skill to our children.  With that said, I still wouldn't want him babysitting my kids.  

4. Devo's Mark Mothersbaugh Can't Draw:  Remember Devo?  You must whip it?  Okay, you weren't born before 1985?  Google "Devo Whip It" and then you'll begin to understand.  What I can't begin to understand is why the former 80s new wave rock star is drawing for children, especially considering that his drawings look like they came from the hand of a 5-year old.  

5.  White Kids Learn to Dance Horribly at a Young Age:  The old stereotype is that white people can't dance.  Apparently, we inherit this honestly at birth.  There's no better entertainment than seeing a toddler perfect the white man's overbite.

6.  Orange Jumpsuits Don't Flatter Jack Black: What else would you expect when Jack Black makes his Yo Gabba Gabba guest appearance?  Of course he's gonna wear DJ Lance Rock's outfit!  This is why men let their wives dress them, children.

7.  How to Smuggle Tiny Furry Creatures in a Hollowed Out Jukebox:  I've always been tempted to sneak a hamster on an airplane.  All I have to do is claim my jukebox as carry on, and its ginger ale and pretzels for my little furry friends!  Let's see Sky Mall do that!

8.  Parents Have No Shame When It Comes to Their Kid's Stardom:  I find myself feeling sorry for the kids who get directed to do the awkward dances on Yo Gabba Gabba,  but then I think.......that kid's gotta have a parent signing off on this badboy!  Do they even read the scripts?

9. Toodee Spent Time in the Pen as a Baby:  That's pretty hardcore!  No wonder she seems the most hardened by life of all the Gabba characters.

10.  This is How Charlie Sheen Sees the World: Seeing a Yo Gabba Gabba episode is like peering into the mind of Charlie Sheen.  He doesn't see cops and reporters like the rest of the world.  He sees giant red cyclops and dancing robots.  It all makes senses now!


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